Tuesday, September 3, 2013


September is upon us.  I had a great weekend to finish August off.  We spent the weekend at Lake Tahoe and it was just so beautiful!  There were a lot of kids and I found myself hoping to have a little one of my own too that I can take to our various travels.  We found ourselves talking about what we would let our child/ren do.  What a perfect place to take kids!
Despite that fact, we had a blast, which we always do.  We are good company to each other.  Apart from my supplement regimen, I did not obsess about my condition, which to me, is a success.  I seek to let go of that which I have no control over.  The only time we do not see eye to eye when it comes to getaways is that hubs is not a nightlife person.  When I am on vacation, I want to let loose and go all out, which includes dancing the night away or listening to music at a lounge.  He would rather go back to the room and “watch” each other or TV. 
One of the reasons I am glad to see September is that August kinda bombed on me… just like July.  No ovulation=no chance for baby, and that is what Aug meant to me.  I also turned a year older, so did hubs.  Is there a way to stop the clock while we deal with this monster called unconventional baby-making?
This is my second week on the estrogen pills and let me tell ya, I am feeling bloated and have gained 5 lbs. in one week.  I am at my heaviest weight and I am truly worried.  Is this supposed to happen with just high dose Estrogen?  Am I looking at more weight gain with the other meds?  That worries me.  At the risk of sounding vain; I would rather not be gaining a pound.  How can I deal with this?  I exercised each morning we were at Tahoe and intend to continue exercising.  I do feel heavy, bloated, occasional mild cramping, sore mammary glands (lol) and of course I feel so huge.  Am I even supposed to be exercising heavily at this time?  On the bright side, the hot flushes have completely abated... I mean, gone with no peeking behavior.  Something they did with the low dose patches.  
The goal is to get on Follistim if my ovaries respond to 1.5 mg/day of Estrogen.  I worry that this high dose of Estrogen will make me susceptible to breast cancer but I have to try.  I will not be the first nor the last to give this a try.  So God help me. 
As for my dear Hopie Hope, I love you before I have even met you, wherever you are... so does your handsone daddy!  We can't wait to meet you munchkin... 
"For I know the Plans I have for you, says the Lord".


  1. I love the fact that you write to your little one in faith. It is awfully inspiring to me... I have often thought of what he may look like but never have I spoke to him as if I was awaiting his arrival. Thank you for being transparent and for quoting scripture as well, it was a reminder to me and really helpful...

    1. Thanks! I have wondered whether it borders dysfunctional when I talk to my non-existent child. But then again, what is not dysfuntional about this journey? I am glad that I inspire you to have the same hope that I hang on to despite the constant negative news..