Premature Ovarian Failure..... no.... Premature Ovarian Insufficiency.: The end... so soon.

Friday, September 20, 2013

The end... so soon.

I have been so down I have no particular emotion to describe how I feel. After 8 days of daily Follistim shots, my poor lil follies would not respond. Despite having an AFC of 3 on the left and 2 on the right, they stayed so small and sometimes even shrunk. My estrogen was a mere >25, meaning my chances were slim to none. This despite a nice lush lining of 9.6 (what’s the point?) If everything else did not look so good… then again, this is one less thing to worry about. Mission aborted.

I somewhat expected the worst but it still hit me so hard that I fell without knowing I had fallen. I am trying to stay positive but it is hard. The past few days I have not been taking all my vitamins and even cancelled acupuncture this week. I need to pull it together. My poor hubs does not know what to do at this point coz I don’t even know what I want. He thinks we should take a break but I don’t believe that is the answer.

I need a sign to show me the wayL

6 comments:

UnknownSeptember 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM
I'm so sorry that this has happened! (I followed you over here from the two week wait.) I hope things start looking up for you- until then know that you aren't alone!

I know exactly what you mean about not being as diligent with meds while you are discouraged. It's not easy trying this hard! Think it through and it'll be clear soon enough! *Hugs!
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Hoping to be Hope's mama.September 20, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Thank you Sara. It is so easy to feel alone in this, especially when disappointment is the name of the game.
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Gypsy MamaSeptember 20, 2013 at 3:22 PM
I hope you get your sign. I stopped my vitamins too, I couldn't bring myself to keep taking them when I didn't really believe I could ever be pregnant.

I hope you don't feel alone and I hope things turn around for you soon!
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AuntMimiSeptember 21, 2013 at 7:31 AM
I'm so sorry. That's got to be such a huge letdown. Take care of yourself and I think you will know when you are ready to get back at it.
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TTC Journey

Sept 20th 2013 - Start Progestrone today. I have been in a fugue last 4 days.
Sept 16th 2013 - Despite daily shots, follies are not growing one bit. Three on L ovary (3, 3, 4 mm) and 2 on R ovary (2 mm and 5 mm). Estradiol >25. Lining 9.6. Stop shots and start Progestrone and expect AF in a week or so.
Sept 9th 2013 - Appointment with RE after 2 weeks of Estrogen 150 mcg/day. Estradiol >26, FSH 2.6, lining 8.4. AFC x2 on left (2mm, 3mm), x1 on right (4mm). Start Follistim 225mg Daily sub Q.
August 2013 - Estrogen is helping, hot flashes much better, sleep is much improved (although not as good as I used to have it). Had to induce AF with progesterone pills. Fake flow shows up at CD 46. yikes. The estrogen patches are irritating to my skin but I love the mood and temp regulation. I see the RE, antra-follie count= 2; one on each side. Decide to try a medicated cycle after expressing my disappointment with service to the RE. She is willing to go at it. Aug 26th - I start high dose Ethynl Estradiol. RTC in 2 weeks.
July 2013 - Decide to go forth with IUI #1. It is a burst. I did not ovulate despite temp shift, ovulation pain, positive OPK and fluid in my ovary. What a waste of time, money and emotions! I want to go on Estrogen because the hot flashes are getting out of hand. Having trouble at work and with sleep. Start Estrogen patches. 40 bucks/month/rx.
May - June 2013 - ovulating but antra-follie count/ size is disappointing to say the least.
April 2013 - I meet the RE. She is very thorough and hopeful since I am still ovulating. Ultrasound (follie count) does not look good. Complete nmultiple labs; all negative except high FSH and undetectable AMH
March 2013 - FSH goes back up to 48. It is time to see a RE. I am panicking. I make an appointment which takes a month to get in...uuurgh!
Feb 2013 - FSH goes down to 5! yes! I think I am cured but continue to go to accupuncture. No pregnancy though:(
Jan 2013 - I start accupuncture which really helps the hot flashes. I am hopeful.
Nov 2012-Dec 2012 - I am unravelling and a raging mess. I am mad, sad, unbearable to live with (poor hubs). The holidays take over, we go home to see my family. I am a sulky mess the whole time. My family is concerned.
Oct 2012 - She refers me to the RE but I think this is a mistake and is due to hormal imbalance from the IUD. I start doing research on POI/POF.She advises us to start TTC now! I am still in shock and ambivalent.
Sept 2012 - Yikes... FSH has only gone down 10 points and is still crazy high. GYN says that I am menopausal. What?
August 2012 - FSH still elevated. I think the IUD is causing these problems. I want it out ASAP which GYN dutifully takes it out. Decides to recheck levels a month later.
July 2012 - GYN is worried about high FSH. She wants it re-checked
June - July 2012 - I am having some crazy hot flashes! Initially thought it was due to a drastic change in weather and stress but decide to get checked out.
May 2012 - We both move to a new area together! Finally, yay!
Dec 2011 - We get married but live in different states:(
May 2011 - He pops the question!
March 2010 - We meet